tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50101368889246504752024-03-13T22:33:23.656-07:00Grace Upon GraceHome learning, deep loving, and simply living in the fullness of His grace upon grace.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-20300800334278566372014-11-12T19:12:00.001-08:002014-11-12T19:15:31.758-08:00Doing What Works<div style="text-align: justify;">
Life is going too fast. I thought I moved for a slower pace, but so far it's anything but. The morning begins with breakfast for five and doesn't stop from there. There's working online, cleaning, feeding the kids again, getting them down for naps, cleaning again, homeschooling, maybe a trip to the store, feeding them again, then it's dinner time. Then a quick bath, book or show, and bedtime. They eat. A lot. And make a lot of messes. As I mentioned before, we are staying with my sister-in-law and her family. <b>It's a crazy, loud, chaotic, fun mess. </b> And it's going by so fast. I think I have this real fear of losing time. Everyone says don't blink because your kids will be grown up. <b>My struggle is between wanting to savor every moment and feeling like there's just not enough time to savor it. </b> I know our living situation is so unusual right now, things will return to normal when we are more settled. I hope.</div>
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<i>Instagram cropped leaves on a fall day</i></div>
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<i>This was the brightest, most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen. If you look close you can even see a double. Phone cameras just don't do it justice.</i></div>
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When we moved, <b>I knew flexibility was going to be key to making this work. </b> And boy was I right! We are doing things I don't necessarily like, but, right now, they're necessary. Things that are working for us right now:</div>
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*Watching too much tv. This is something I fight against, and put so much effort into getting our tv watching minimal and under control while we lived in California. Now, in order to get anything done, the kids are being entertained my Mickey and Rescuebots. It's not something I like, but it is working for now.</div>
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*Breastfeeding through the night. Asher is almost 14 months. Instead of weaning, we've been increasing to get him to sleep at night. Even with nursing, he's still been awake. A lot. So, breastfeeding into toddlerhood is working for us.</div>
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*Sleeping separately. Mike has been sleeping in the trailer so he can get a good night sleep before work, since Asher has been up so much at night. </div>
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*Unhealthy eating. This one kills me. With so many people in one house, different foods are available than what I may usually buy. And I don't have my own supplies to properly prepare foods. Plus, willpower has been reduced with lack of sleep. </div>
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I'm writing those down to remind myself that those are temporary ways we are adapting to life for now, but I will not allow them to become long-term lifestyle changes. For now, <b>we are doing what works. </b></div>
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<i>Playing in the leaves. Getting dirty and not caring. This works.</i></div>
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<i>This big one year old is still not walking. His sis walked when </i></div>
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<i>she </i><i>was </i><i>14 months, and he seems to be following in her footsteps.</i></div>
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Another change that's been hard to handle is the change I've seen in my oldest son. He has always had such a loving heart and sweet spirit, particularly towards his brother and sister. Since we've moved here, he's developed a little boy attitude. He is struggling daily with showing love, and it's hard for me to accept or know what to do because he's never been this way. His daily prayer is "God please help me with my attitude and take away my pride." </div>
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<b>I think that's my daily prayer too.</b><br />
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<i>I can't believe my first baby turned 5. A five year old. No longer a pre-schooler. </i></div>
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<i>I'll love you forever</i></div>
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<i>I'l like you for always</i></div>
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<i>As long as I'm living</i></div>
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<i>My baby you'll be</i></div>
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<i>We celebrated at this fun bounce house place with trampolines, </i></div>
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<i>bounce houses and slides, and foam pits</i></div>
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<i>This is my favorite picture ever. He always gives a </i></div>
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<i>super cheesy fake smile, but this one is genuine.</i></div>
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<i>I painted Pax this garage for his Rescuebots! He loves it and plays with it daily!</i></div>
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<i>Group shot!</i></div>
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Halloween was one of those very hard days, full of tears and heartache. The kids looked SO ADORABLE! And then...no one saw. No one cared. At home, we always had plans with cousins and grandparents and friends, where everyone oo-ed and aw-ed over their cuteness. We drove to Costco to see Daddy, and I was reminded of how many people would have been loving on the kids if we had been at the Costco at home. We have been shown so much love by the people there, and we've lived life together over the last 15 years, even if it's been sporadic. Here...no one knew us. No one loved on the kids. No one cared. I know it won't always be this way, but it's hard not to compare a life overflowing with people to a life with very few. </div>
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<i>This girl. She brings non-stop joy to my life. She's my best friend and I adore being around her.</i></div>
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<i>And because I can't pick just one to showcase her personality...here's seven more </i></div>
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<i>This dress was mine. I wore it to Disneyland when I was two, and </i></div>
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<i>legend has it Mickey and Minnie followed me around and loved it!</i></div>
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<i>I was so shy though; I didn't have her spunk!</i></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">But the very next day, we went to the home of some extended family to press apples and make cider. The day was so fun, and was just what I imagined it to be like here. We drove to a huge cattle ranch </span><span style="text-align: left;">and pressed what seemed like thousands of apples, freshly picked from nearby orchards and wild trees. The antique presser was run by the men, while the women peeled and sorted apples. And the juice. Oh my goodness. So good! My brother-in-law's step-mother (confusing!) was the host, and she is a wealth of knowledge. Not only has she been making her own lotions, lips balms, soaps, etc for many years and cooking healthy foods from their farms and garden, but she was homesteading before homesteading was cool. We talked GMOs, sustainable living, how to make your own everything. And she's going to write a cookbook abut how to properly prepare your food. I can't wait! Thankful for another light in the darkness. </span></div>
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Last night the freezing weather came, and left us this morning with frozen water and red noses. And just like fall is slowly rolling out and winter is rolling in, life goes on. Before we know it, spring will be here, bringing new life and beauty in it's wake. </div>
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<br />Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-91279719108096112852014-11-03T21:45:00.001-08:002014-11-03T21:45:44.016-08:00IdahoWow! I can't believe it's been six weeks since we arrived in Idaho! I've been wanting to update but our computer is in our bedroom, and there is usually one or two kids asleep at all times! I decided to power through it, and as I type Asher is asleep in the Pack N Play and Cambria is watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates on the iPad behind me on the bed. <br />
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So far....Idaho is exactly as I thought it would be. Beautiful, great weather, many things to do...but lacking my favorite people to do them with. <b>The struggle is between enjoying <i>where </i>I live but missing the very people who make where I live a place called home. </b><br />
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To summarize the first six weeks, just so I can remember:<br />
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The night before we left California, our friends and family came to help us move. Our house was filled with loud, screaming children having the time of their lives and making lasting memories, and adults who were holding back tears (some not so efficiently) as we saw them making memories for the last time in a long time. These friends....gah. Not only did they stuff our car and our Uhaul so full, making sure every last picture frame and bowl and jar of sauerkraut fit, but they came over the following day and cleaned everything while we were on the road, and have even cut our grass while our house is in escrow. I know all too well that <b>friends like these are to be cherished and held tightly in our hearts,</b> no matter where we are.<br />
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<i>This was our going-away/early birthday party for our boys.</i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-TS3E92AwCknQAnF5teVzN6VGWaB5MiTsbLXsxQQeFdxVi8EAGTFp32IqfGs1wFyPd81sBs89dgbMia6JHTgpWvpEqFZpajeLMAIRe3L1TpFhgq_-O5FM7Wjhqx0CIWEigMlLbBuWUpM/s1600/DSC_0065.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-TS3E92AwCknQAnF5teVzN6VGWaB5MiTsbLXsxQQeFdxVi8EAGTFp32IqfGs1wFyPd81sBs89dgbMia6JHTgpWvpEqFZpajeLMAIRe3L1TpFhgq_-O5FM7Wjhqx0CIWEigMlLbBuWUpM/s1600/DSC_0065.JPG" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>Look at all these kids. What a difference five years makes!</i></div>
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<i>Grandpa was holding them tight.</i></div>
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My mom made the long trip with us with 3 kids, 3 adults, 2 cats, and 2 dogs. (Our third cat was killed by a coyote shortly before moving day and found by our poor sweet neighbor who cleaned it all up so we wouldn't have to see her like that). The trip took a very long time with all the kids, animals, and the Uhaul, but it was thankfully uneventful.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh40DWSgUpCjULb7DyaNjT6Jm7YtT_6wM819mxgSNYhgK1VJFhjIawlwXH7w7Ff4rh9tv4tPkvE_7G5wN3F-tX6ASdWJv9SqXSlymqkz6idKYzmbsvPMO-rmv-J57zHXxm1vqEBqgY_DoU/s1600/IMG_2731.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh40DWSgUpCjULb7DyaNjT6Jm7YtT_6wM819mxgSNYhgK1VJFhjIawlwXH7w7Ff4rh9tv4tPkvE_7G5wN3F-tX6ASdWJv9SqXSlymqkz6idKYzmbsvPMO-rmv-J57zHXxm1vqEBqgY_DoU/s1600/IMG_2731.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>Pit stop! (And we did NOT eat at that McDonald's!)</i></div>
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<i>Birthday boy showing off his belly.</i></div>
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We arrived in Idaho on Asher's first birthday. Mike's sister, Auntie Mary, had balloons and cupcakes for a small party. Mike's sister and her family have graciously allowed my large family to stay with them as we get settled and figure out where we will live. Our living situation is working out so well. It's making me rethink the need for a large house...just kidding!<br />
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We are staying in a 12x11 room with Mike and I on the full bed, Pax and Bri on the floor with blankets, and Asher in the Pack N Play. We have a cubby bookshelf doubling as a dresser and a small tv stand doubling as computer desk. This room is directly off the laundry room, which they have allowed us to use too! We have another bookshelf out there for bathroom stuff and school books, and a rod to hang clothes across one wall. They even gave us one whole cupboard in the kitchen! It has been an organizational challenge, and I have to daily put everything away and re-organize so our small areas stay livable. But, it's been totally doable! <b>I just can't express my gratefulness enough.</b> I know that taking on a family of five with three small, loud children is a grand task and to be gracious throughout is truly divine.<br />
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<i>This barn is my favorite. Be prepared for it to be in all my pictures.</i></div>
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The first week after we arrived my mom was here, so we didn't get much organizing done, but rather drove around and explored a few tourist places. I dare say my mom wasn't too impressed with our town, as she is not much for farming. I think her favorite areas were in the city and along the Boise River, where the hustle and bustle is similar to So Cal. It is nice knowing those places are only a short drive away. <br />
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It was sad when my mom left. Not knowing for sure when I would see her or anyone else was daunting. I held it together when she left but woke up sad and overwhelmed the following day.<br />
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Since that time, I have had many such times. <b>Times when the pain of not having my family and friends close by is overwhelming and I can't hold back the tears. </b> I am SO grateful for the family here taking us in as their own. It gives me hope that the pain won't always be so deep. <br />
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<i>Busy day here. Tutus are always appropriate, especially with Brother's Fireman rainboots.</i></div>
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A few weeks after we arrived there was a small party with some of my brother-in-law's family so we could spend some time with them. They are the nicest, sweetest people. But me? I sent this text to my BFF:<br />
"Jeremy's family is here and they are all so sweet and nice. <br />
Everyone is having a great time and I'm sitting in the laundry<br />
room in the dark crying and texting you."<br />
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It was so bittersweet, seeing these new awesome people that are in our lives, but knowing the old awesome people were not there. <b>It's so daunting, the thought of starting over. </b> Getting friendships to the point where you can be real, where you know what the other is thinking, where you have inside jokes....that takes time and effort. Coming to a new place, it can seem like forever before that's a possibility, especially when the friendships here are already established. <br />
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I feel like I'm learning a hard lesson about the value of relationships. <b>You can live in the most beautiful place that is everything you want it to be, but life is best enjoyed within the context of community. </b><br />
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<i>The reason this guy is in fewer pictures is because he's usually on the photographer's back.</i></div>
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I look back to a time about 10 years ago when I had no community and no deep friendships, and it didn't bother me. I have learned so much since then about living life with others and what joy it can bring. It's scary, because it can also bring heartache and pain. But the joy? Oh, it's worth the risk. <br />
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It's easy to cling to what we know and not allow change to happen to us. Change can also bring heartache and pain. Trust me, I know. But it's possible, even probable, that it could be the very best thing. As I wrote about before, <a href="http://beccafallon.blogspot.com/2014/09/wild-and-free.html">Jesus makes me brave.</a> <b>And if He's the One initiating the change, we can trust the joy will come after the mourning.</b>Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-86647230860138890172014-09-16T23:02:00.004-07:002014-09-16T23:08:59.987-07:00Wild and Free<b>Jesus makes me brave.</b> <b> Jesus makes me strong. Jesus makes me free. </b><br />
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One of my favorite things about following Christ is the ability to be all in. I don't have to have plans all laid out, I just have to be willing to trust that He does. I can jump, feel the rush of the air as it swooshes past my ears, knowing He will open the parachute just in time. <br />
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My flesh knows fear. Through Jesus, I have confidence. My flesh worries I'll fail. Through Jesus, I know that all things will work together for good. My flesh hears the negativity from other people. Through Jesus, I am able to choose joy.<br />
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<b>It was for freedom that Christ set us free.</b> Freedom from fear, freedom from worry, freedom from whatever weight is holding us down. <br />
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I like to be happy. I've been told I poop rainbows. I love to look on the bright side. It's kind of my hobby. I know there are people who think this move is crazy. I have been told I'll never make it. I know there are people who seriously question our judgement because we don't have a long term plan, or because selling all our stuff and moving 1000 miles isn't something that people expect. <b>We are learning that less is more, simple is better, and normal isn't necessarily wild or free. </b> We've learned to walk through a door when the Lord opens it, not to wait around until we are ready. <b>What is the purpose of faith if we know the outcome? </b>I believe the Lord is most honored when we don't have everything planned, but rather when we move forward and leave the planning up to Him.<br />
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There have been times when I've let fear keep me from trying. Fear of the failure, fear of looking like I don't have it all together, fear of embarrassing the people I love. But I'm learning that <b>success is in the trying. </b> Success is giving it your all when you feel the urge to hold back. <b>There is no failure, unless maybe it's just never trying. </b> There's just a different route that the one that was anticipated.<br />
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Taking this step of faith has produced so much freedom. Selling all my possessions has produced freedom from selfishness. Waiting on the Lord has produced freedom from worry. Moving when the Lord says move has produced freedom from the illusion of control.<br />
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Faith in Jesus can take an ordinary life and turn it into an adventure. Being wild and free starts with saying yes. Moving when He moves. <b>Anyone can be extraordinary. </b> Anyone can live an extraordinary life. The risk is great. But so is the reward. Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-36312993572015213012014-09-08T18:04:00.001-07:002014-09-08T18:48:20.754-07:00Every New Beginning<b>I remember the night I graduated from high school.</b> The event I had been anticipating all year, maybe all four years. We spent so much time planning that night, from the decorations to the music to our speeches. Time spent trying to decide how to summarize the last four years into a five minute speech. Hours shopping for the perfect dress to show that I was classy yet fun, studious yet playful. Then I'd make the call to my friend.<br />
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"What are you wearing to graduation?" <br />
"Is your dress long or short?"<br />
"Are you going to wear your dress to the school or bring it with you?"<br />
"Are you bringing something else to change into after?"<br />
"Are wearing your hair down or up?"<br />
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Nothing in high school can be left to chance. <br />
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{Insert high school graduation photo here. Except they're all packed, so we have to use our imaginations.}<br />
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While not a flash back to high school, these were taken in 2009 and 2010.</div>
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Friends who vacation-in-Maui-with-a-9-month-old-together, stay together. 2010</div>
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I remember after the graduation ceremony was over, taking picture after picture and giving hug after hug to my friends that I'd seen every day for the last four years. This event I had anticipated for so long was now passing, and I didn't want it to end. With all the excitement of graduating, I forgot. I forgot I wouldn't see my friends first thing the next morning. I forgot I wouldn't slide fancy-folded notes in their lockers or share lunches the next week. We wouldn't be sharing secrets and inside jokes in the five minutes while waiting for the bell to ring. <b>It was over. My life with these friends would never be exactly the same. </b> We'd still be friends. But that life was over. <br />
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New Year's Eve 2010</div>
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<b>The best part of my life was ahead of me, but I didn't know it at the time.</b> All I knew was a sense of loss that life as I knew it was ending, changing into something unknown. <br />
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I feel like it's high school graduation, and while I can guess the best is yet to come, I also know that life is changing, and with that comes loss of the familiar comfort we've found in each other. These friends have been with me through thick and thin the last five years. <b> Births and deaths, confidence and fear, joy and sorrow, we've seen it all. </b> I know it's not ending, just changing. And change can be so good. But. There's still a but. <br />
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Celebrating a new life 2012</div>
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<b>My heart overflows with good memories and thankfulness that these friends were part of my daily life for a time. </b> We now have the chance to experience friendship of a different sort - long distance. We now have opportunities to use our time to be intentional in loving each other in new ways. <b> A chance to grow and be creative in our love.</b><br />
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2012</div>
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Growing larger every year 2013</div>
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2014</div>
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I'm left remembering songs we played during our graduation (and possibly yours if you graduated around 2000). A favorite line from an old Green Day song that goes <b>"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."</b> So profound, that Green Day. But the high school song I've chosen to commemorate this group is another cheesy throwback, from Michael W. Smith. Anyone who grew up in youth group in the '90s will remember this classic.<br />
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Packing up the dreams God planted</div>
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In the fertile soil of you</div>
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I can't believe the hopes He's granted</div>
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<b>Means a chapter in your life is through</b></div>
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But we'll keep you close as always</div>
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It won't even seem you've gone</div>
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<b>'Cause our hearts in big and small ways</b></div>
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<b>Will keep the love that keeps us strong</b></div>
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And friends are friends forever</div>
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If the Lord's the Lord of them</div>
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And a friend will not say never</div>
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'Cause the welcome will not end</div>
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<b>Though it's hard to let you go</b></div>
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<b>Into the Father's hands we know</b></div>
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<b>That a lifetime's not too long</b></div>
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<b>To live as friends</b></div>
Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-78376791724375809342014-09-03T15:43:00.001-07:002014-09-03T15:59:30.581-07:00There's No Place Like HomeWhen we bought this house five years ago, I thought we'd live here forever. It was perfect for us, gave us room to grow, and was close to family and friends. <br />
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<b>This was our first home.</b> We searched for almost one year before finding this home, which was not our first choice but became our best choice.<br />
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<b>We brought three babies home from the hospital to this home. </b><br />
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I've decorated each room for my babies to celebrate their new lives. <br />
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We've watched three babies learn to crawl, walk, talk, and do many other firsts in this home.<br />
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Our highchair has sat in the same corner and seen three babies learn how to eat and throw food against the wall and on the floor.<br />
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I've sat in the same chair in the same corner to nurse all three of my babies.<br />
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My oldest started his first day of his first year of homeschool in this home.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">First Day Of Kindergarten: he was so excited to wear his Cars backpack, filled with weapons and an ax sticking out.</span></h3>
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We've been blessed with countless visitors, church services, home Bible studies, and long term guests. <br />
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I've sat on the huge brown corduroy couch in the family room and had memorable heart to heart talks with the people I love. <br />
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I've gone on hundreds of walks with my best friend, who lives a block away.<br />
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I've randomly stopped by her house and just walked in the door more times than I can count.<br />
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My dog has run away to her house more times than I wish to acknowledge.<br />
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<b>We've learned to rely on God as never before in this home</b>, as He has faithfully provided for us to stay here as we became a one income family.<br />
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Although I am so attached to this home, the truth is that it has felt like a millstone around our neck for the last few years. <b>The Lord has been so faithful to provide</b>, but we've still felt the weight of this house to be overwhelming at times. And that was because of our lack of faith and <b>our desire to know God through abundance and not through scarcity.</b> But how we have looked forward to being free from the weight of it! And now, the day is near....but it's not without sorrow.<br />
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Each time I do something I'm overwhelmed by thoughts of it being the last. This is the last time I'll walk to the lake. The last time the kids will play at this park. The last time they'll swim in this pool. The last time we push them on this swing set. The last time I'll look out this window. The last time it will be September 3, 2014. Life passes just too quickly, and I'm left wondering and hoping I've made enough memories, done everything I wanted to do, loved as much as I could.<br />
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<b>This house is filled with so many memories,</b> it's hard to let it go. As we are waiting for it to sell, I find myself personally offended by each person who views it and decides it's not for them. "What do you mean, they didn't place an offer? This is the best home ever! Anyone would be lucky to have it!" said she, with no bias whatsoever.<br />
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<b>The story that God continually unfolds in our lives is one of reliance, not of abundance but of daily bread.</b> Daily, momentary graces. It's been 13 days since our house has been on the market. I was so sure that God would swoop in, perform some miracle, and have it sold and finished by the time we moved. I guess I forgot how <b>He sloooowly unfolds His grace upon us,</b> not in large overwhelming gusts, but in a slow process that results in growing and stretching. And growing and stretching are hard. I'd love to have the story of the miraculous sell that astounded everyone. But God's story in the life of our family continually unfolds as one outside of time, outside of my will, outside of limits, outside of reason. I am promised that all things work together FOR GOOD to those who are called according to His purpose. So no matter what happens, I know that as long as I'm holding onto <a href="http://beccafallon.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-beginning.html">that light</a>, whatever happens will be good. Not fast, but good.Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-8053104430093834742014-09-01T23:55:00.000-07:002014-09-11T20:24:35.595-07:00The Beginning<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: justify;">Well friends, it's been a long time. Two years, two children, new church, new job, almost new state. Yes, a new state. This is the adventure that is currently unfolding. Let's start at the beginning..... </span></div>
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Last summer, we went on vacation to Idaho with our besties.<br />
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The purpose of our trip was to see if any of us would consider moving there. The Mister has some family in the area, so we also visited them. We spent our time exploring the city where we stayed and doing typical touristy activities. While we all saw aspects of the city we liked, none of us were crazy about the big city vibe we were getting. Our family, in particular, was looking for something more rural and farm-y. Towards the end of the trip, we drove outside the city to see Mike's sister. And we saw this...</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">We fell in love. </span><b style="text-align: justify;"> It felt like coming home.</b><span style="text-align: justify;"> We stayed there for three days, and came home with the decision we would move there. I was pregnant with our third, and there was some potentially scary stuff happening with him, so I didn't want to start the moving process until he was born. Here we are with him now, love of my life, almost one year old...</span><br />
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So after he was born as perfect as can be, Mike put in a transfer request through his company to work in the nearest town. It was quickly denied, due to lack of available position. Although, we quickly learned as we grew to know the people and the area, Californians are often considered......less than desirable people. There is a "California culture" people from Idaho speak of, and not in a fond way. So he put his transfer request in three more times over several months, all to no avail. California gives parents six weeks of paid baby bonding leave to be used within the first year of their child's life, so we thought we had it all planned. Mike would take his six weeks and we'd have plenty of time to move and get settled. Although, as is often the case, God did not see this perfect plan we brought Him. As his request was denied time and time again, we became discouraged, knowing we wanted to go but not seeing a way.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Sidenote: totally not sure what is happening with my face here. Blame it on being eight months pregnant.</span></div>
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Over the last year, we have become focused on natural living, including natural medicine and healthy eating, but the outrageous pricing of healthy foods did not allow us to fully encompass the lifestyle as we wished. So each denial was so discouraging. We went for another visit in late spring, and both felt it totally confirmed to us that this is where we wanted to be.</div>
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The paid time off has to be used before the child turns one year, so we decided to attempt to transfer again one last time, just before the time would be up, as a last ditch effort. And, what do you know? <b>God, in His usual fashion, decided now was the time.</b> The very last moment, last effort, and that's when He chose to allow things to happen. And there were so many details of how it all came to be, ways that God used many people in the process of encouraging the managers of the store to allow him to transfer.</div>
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They gave him a start date of FIVE weeks away. A year of waiting, and now we have five weeks?!?! To sell what we can, pack up everything we own, sell our house, say our goodbyes.....five weeks seemed so short. </div>
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I wanted to move. I was fully on board. I wanted chicken, goats, cows, a garden. But when it became a reality? It didn't go well. Terrified, sorrowful, angry......those were the emotions I was feeling, not excited, happy, elated. I was dreading telling my family and friends. I was feeling such deep sorrow, as if I was feeling my pain plus the pain I knew I was causing others. I didn't allow myself to experience any happiness, because I wanted to feel as bad as I thought everyone else would feel. It was a dark few days, filled with bitterness, anger, and a deep sadness I would equate to losing a loved one in death. I started blaming poor Mike, my mind quickly forgetting I had been so excited about this a short time before. Luckily, it's hard to keep me down for long. Once I got over the excruciating experience of telling my loved ones,<b> a small sliver of excitement started to pierce through the dark, like rays of sun sneaking through thunderclouds. </b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">This old barn is on my sister-in-law's property.</span></b></div>
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We have been so busy, moments of sadness come in waves, but the excitement is growing. Right now? We have no plans. We have no money (please sell, house!). We have no idea what comes next. And if I meditate on those thoughts, I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. So instead, I choose to meditate on The Lord. The One who's very words will be a light unto my path. My path is dark. Scary. Unknown. Filled with bumps and ditches? Possibly. But I've got my light to show me the way. The Lord has opened this door, and it's my job to walk through it. It's not my job to light the path. <b>It's my job to hold onto the Light as I walk.</b> Today, I don't know where I'll be living in three weeks, when or if my house will sell, and whether I will love it or hate it in my new home state. But today, I choose to trust the same God who has proven Himself faithful to me countless times, who I have seen provide in miraculous ways, who I know has my best interest in mind. So friends, if you stop by my house, you may find me giddy with excitement or heaving with sorrow, but I know that this is only the beginning, good things are to come, and I serve a good God.</div>
Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-8390434274948427772011-06-07T00:12:00.000-07:002011-06-07T00:42:11.904-07:00grandpa.<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtxWlfd7xlBts0kvSlP0Yo8ozo7F-ZxeM7mXVge2Dmj_MCBbyl3j3nAQ7UKuy3CDsINGLJQfEm3O8y09uAo3kTNEaSk0YTSAWI-SMBwwgF07CHYmtTiRglEofOS2l_P0dxujg6Qs7WbEY/s1600/66.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><i><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtxWlfd7xlBts0kvSlP0Yo8ozo7F-ZxeM7mXVge2Dmj_MCBbyl3j3nAQ7UKuy3CDsINGLJQfEm3O8y09uAo3kTNEaSk0YTSAWI-SMBwwgF07CHYmtTiRglEofOS2l_P0dxujg6Qs7WbEY/s400/66.jpg" width="312" /></i></b></a></div><br />
The last couple weeks have been incredibly difficult for me. On May 23, 2011, one of the most amazing men who ever walked the earth, passed away - my Grandpa Sam. The last two weeks have been hills and valleys full of memories and emotions...gratefulness that he was ours to know for awhile, sadness that he's ours no longer. I am aware of how truly blessed I am to have known him...everyone who ever met him said that. There are people in your life you just know have that special something...and he was one of them. My dad gave the eulogy at the memorial today, and he said my grandpa squeezed life for every last drop. So true. There was never a man who gave more generously, laughed more loudly, or loved more freely than him. Everyone who spoke today shared about his goodness and love, his generosity and kindness. As my dad said, "If he had a dollar and you needed it, it was yours. If he didn't have what you need, he wouldn't hesitate taking out a loan to help you out." On top of all this, my grandpa was a crazy character who was always pushing the limits and trying to stay out of trouble. He always won the prize for the best Halloween costume, and he loved to play craps and pool. He was the loudest person I've ever known, and would tease and embarrass you ever chance he got. <br />
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All this reflecting on life lately has really gotten me thinking. At my funeral, will people say I squeezed life for every last drop? That I gave generously, laughed loudly, loved freely? I shared at the funeral today that sometimes when I pray, I ask God to make me like my grandpa, because he's better than I'll ever be. He wasn't forced or duty bound, but he had an incredible generosity of spirit and a kind heart. <br />
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I don't squeeze life. I don't give generously. I don't love freely. I don't enjoy life like I could. I read this quote today -<br />
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">"H</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><em>umans are designed to seek comfort and order, and so if they have comfort and order, they tend to plant themselves, even if their comfort isn't all that comfortable. and even if they secretly want for something better." Donald Miller</em></span></div><br />
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I don't want to plant myself. Sometimes a whole week will go by, and I can't remember anything important I've done. That's not squeezing life. Squeezing life would be remembering the conversation I had with the neighbor, calling my grandma to say hi, blowing bubbles every day with my son, jumping in rain puddles, taking a moment just to acknowledge I'm making a memory, stopping to smell the roses. I don't want to let life happen to me, I want to make it happen. I want to stop caring what people think and march to the beat of my own drum. I want to throw caution to the wind and not worry how it'll turn out. I want to leave people knowing they are loved by me. I want to take every good thing about my grandpa and take it to heart, so he can live on through me and my family. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFVixs40tw3LCmQv3eqFhwRNMUSjZQ-9dp2B-ysgV2Wueuge3OnmOsMbSmK_wmZffvSVSPqo3RRPchx4GPIC2sfCawvtBXhEdmpu5hyphenhyphenEYKVO7TyPexIROcNh3hLtbc_RX6Yv9SuKnnqcs/s1600/85z.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFVixs40tw3LCmQv3eqFhwRNMUSjZQ-9dp2B-ysgV2Wueuge3OnmOsMbSmK_wmZffvSVSPqo3RRPchx4GPIC2sfCawvtBXhEdmpu5hyphenhyphenEYKVO7TyPexIROcNh3hLtbc_RX6Yv9SuKnnqcs/s400/85z.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
A couple months back I started a photography company. It was scary, it was out of my comfort zone completely, and it was one of the most exciting things I've ever done. I was unhappy with my job and decided to do something about it. I don't know what will come of my venture, but I do know that nothing ventured, nothing gained. You'll miss every shot you don't take. Sometimes it's ok to fail. It's ok to not be the best. The important thing is the attempt, to squeeze every last drop out of this life, to refuse to remain planted in the soil of discontentment. Who knows, maybe there is a bit of my grandpa in me after all? I could only be so lucky.<br />
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After you read this, kiss someone you love. Forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Smell a flower. Eat that cookie. Blow bubbles with your kids. Call your mom. Jump in a puddle. Raise your hands and dance in church. Book that extravagant vacation. Live it up. You only get to do it once. Make it count.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do that by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. " Mark Twain</i></span>Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-77307395681053677072011-01-31T22:15:00.000-08:002011-01-31T23:16:03.274-08:00dance in the rain.The day after a good rain is my favorite. The smell left behind, the crisp clean air, the way you can still <i>feel</i> the moisture...I just love it! This evening I convinced the boys to take a walk in the hills around our house to practice with my camera. Today was a beautiful day-after-rain-day, and I wanted to be outside and feel it in my bones. Pax had a great time. He was definitely too distracted to be interested in taking <i>any</i> pictures! So today I tried to capture the little things instead, the moments, rather than a smile into the camera. I love my boys <3<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj74F1DiZ9qbp4dicAbg23uuypRKteQHgMZ9dGBUMPM4lg3bnggMnB2M-TwRAEIANTCEBk_OtHIZa9mWKC16-TOFt51bhgNgwemFy4IGd5mdwuYu-2RF-XNgf4bujs3zQaiV-tQwTiFuiU/s1600/DSC_0018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj74F1DiZ9qbp4dicAbg23uuypRKteQHgMZ9dGBUMPM4lg3bnggMnB2M-TwRAEIANTCEBk_OtHIZa9mWKC16-TOFt51bhgNgwemFy4IGd5mdwuYu-2RF-XNgf4bujs3zQaiV-tQwTiFuiU/s400/DSC_0018.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqjDPcGejA_OXzpJTFtqvcy1MsG0v2rzx8jbkadJ1aIEL8msXVIl6x8xrYQnTdh68XA6HBop-arYFcii4JAAMcRfWFJVvoPCHqBNg4nWtdGr6m2OswtC5JE5FK_0tYeRX0fq-UrKn6xc/s1600/DSC_0055.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqjDPcGejA_OXzpJTFtqvcy1MsG0v2rzx8jbkadJ1aIEL8msXVIl6x8xrYQnTdh68XA6HBop-arYFcii4JAAMcRfWFJVvoPCHqBNg4nWtdGr6m2OswtC5JE5FK_0tYeRX0fq-UrKn6xc/s400/DSC_0055.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZKcyNMKCkQdAMxpNA62VDU4evIRKP14zCjCbl8AzXSeaeroiIz77k56LxMaM48-qjHvgev3w3kBPhZI94B4EJS3ftvNPrYOyYVQOqPXVnAqzWg0ONh1PmqcFv9abSultPV2niFdcb3jo/s1600/DSC_0060.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZKcyNMKCkQdAMxpNA62VDU4evIRKP14zCjCbl8AzXSeaeroiIz77k56LxMaM48-qjHvgev3w3kBPhZI94B4EJS3ftvNPrYOyYVQOqPXVnAqzWg0ONh1PmqcFv9abSultPV2niFdcb3jo/s400/DSC_0060.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Dad showing him how to brush his hands off</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">after he fell.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3lOcy4IZ6Px7hfz_jhnE-dPl0hxRVSy6L-YBQ0o1ktDz499AlQXSFHHRMfQaxrn9g5q23Kj9LDxTW07IpjPws4rqPw1K41o9XgOgLvgtC7VylIzOyBwW0kPrRjbNLLIgunh_eiIJtams/s1600/DSC_0074.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3lOcy4IZ6Px7hfz_jhnE-dPl0hxRVSy6L-YBQ0o1ktDz499AlQXSFHHRMfQaxrn9g5q23Kj9LDxTW07IpjPws4rqPw1K41o9XgOgLvgtC7VylIzOyBwW0kPrRjbNLLIgunh_eiIJtams/s400/DSC_0074.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2FtX6zlCINOz51Nq5jgLk0HcYgpcMlVIdK4fs76eYixD03IGdbIgzfMDUtBHmfc5GQG66xb4ZNz14lIE4Zse1ItA_tXFO6H13S1qekFHGLWa1PcXxwQskjDWxZ3XMWqYETrxj2flm7QY/s1600/DSC_0076.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2FtX6zlCINOz51Nq5jgLk0HcYgpcMlVIdK4fs76eYixD03IGdbIgzfMDUtBHmfc5GQG66xb4ZNz14lIE4Zse1ItA_tXFO6H13S1qekFHGLWa1PcXxwQskjDWxZ3XMWqYETrxj2flm7QY/s400/DSC_0076.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We LOVE those big, gross, open mouth kisses!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXPr3ofYyzazT62qfNPB0QyWEI1nIEJnhk_VApqRPwkjBPoSotlH9uOcwLglOvSjKrkkwsD0lT2jAjWEwiiO0zupZyUik5AYQe8p9uk19vfyR1lxNl-T0Hoy4_txpjmadH9VY5l64gVvg/s1600/DSC_0095.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXPr3ofYyzazT62qfNPB0QyWEI1nIEJnhk_VApqRPwkjBPoSotlH9uOcwLglOvSjKrkkwsD0lT2jAjWEwiiO0zupZyUik5AYQe8p9uk19vfyR1lxNl-T0Hoy4_txpjmadH9VY5l64gVvg/s400/DSC_0095.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO8mIjQ3veyY4NMPlLsAe_Y4mDe4IrRBGUBQpxDGoYe2UleUmPMkXGlJfavd41KuFfY3vYxjiMDf91d0VSA67k2xSLS9LIJvZ9TXzKc0waA28nMnPT5MghJtU6_E9gPKJxHs1N_1lvka8/s1600/DSC_0115.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO8mIjQ3veyY4NMPlLsAe_Y4mDe4IrRBGUBQpxDGoYe2UleUmPMkXGlJfavd41KuFfY3vYxjiMDf91d0VSA67k2xSLS9LIJvZ9TXzKc0waA28nMnPT5MghJtU6_E9gPKJxHs1N_1lvka8/s400/DSC_0115.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJfKPAqSDk8VnX1_7HYK14QnxV1ti-FlJLV9XeZ5JGgSFzBUEtqEXPDsXoFxAdO1Did-QG_ZCA6mcC47CbsX8EuYaEPsF0e1H-xGyqtRmydM9r3jIfvedoJr5o-Z-X-NnrbI6eDQTHmKY/s1600/DSC_0116.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJfKPAqSDk8VnX1_7HYK14QnxV1ti-FlJLV9XeZ5JGgSFzBUEtqEXPDsXoFxAdO1Did-QG_ZCA6mcC47CbsX8EuYaEPsF0e1H-xGyqtRmydM9r3jIfvedoJr5o-Z-X-NnrbI6eDQTHmKY/s400/DSC_0116.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I think this one is my favorite...</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKXHY6KHZKWAJjaN2bT51YP2nSEG1A70iWb3R0xmH9p2vxsSujXyVHJ-tFLPpxN-3YxqDm2BV9SPJvMIxAvnZCoftz2NnC_nWzsLYLAD-1EHbiqcGfE4Xd4brvhABZhMFHoPf-SUHMuqQ/s1600/DSC_0121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKXHY6KHZKWAJjaN2bT51YP2nSEG1A70iWb3R0xmH9p2vxsSujXyVHJ-tFLPpxN-3YxqDm2BV9SPJvMIxAvnZCoftz2NnC_nWzsLYLAD-1EHbiqcGfE4Xd4brvhABZhMFHoPf-SUHMuqQ/s400/DSC_0121.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCqpKH8XHSGuN3RDpT3sqMGOiI3krgONcLD3Zwpgdk0Ic-1cWRLOtQr2QAmU9RiPhQCQyJqtk3GADbnM2UtZj8Kfm7JzA8WKz_aVBrSnXxyeJ66v5RArXLq9Zc5rehSl9FNm4OzFJfbKQ/s1600/DSC_0123.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCqpKH8XHSGuN3RDpT3sqMGOiI3krgONcLD3Zwpgdk0Ic-1cWRLOtQr2QAmU9RiPhQCQyJqtk3GADbnM2UtZj8Kfm7JzA8WKz_aVBrSnXxyeJ66v5RArXLq9Zc5rehSl9FNm4OzFJfbKQ/s400/DSC_0123.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlc8L7qXsDyXW3pwR-N1P5dM0BTJ-crihgUxE5Ne2_653eEVTgMcXUdkgUD1ZpeyRytiqR5Cxh4STaLFxbwdyUS3mMdBPnI2FDYQwqj4ffF0MvmdDbDkSh8mvyXaaLrzGfPuT0CZ3Ay0s/s1600/DSC_0125.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlc8L7qXsDyXW3pwR-N1P5dM0BTJ-crihgUxE5Ne2_653eEVTgMcXUdkgUD1ZpeyRytiqR5Cxh4STaLFxbwdyUS3mMdBPnI2FDYQwqj4ffF0MvmdDbDkSh8mvyXaaLrzGfPuT0CZ3Ay0s/s400/DSC_0125.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Dad understands that Pax will need pictures of him and Mama too, </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">so he stepped behind the camera for a few minutes too...</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1cH6tysAZUtPnklJ4Gby_LcRqRfdMCqhxA7H-474W_sgg4U_0Phf67Gh_0Lc9XUDVFMPmfhYV_I1YaWyaTUXWTPiONuwxO04629VHK2gKNlZfCQFLw0_Z46DRyYDAgkVdXasB9ozvWlU/s1600/DSC_0127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1cH6tysAZUtPnklJ4Gby_LcRqRfdMCqhxA7H-474W_sgg4U_0Phf67Gh_0Lc9XUDVFMPmfhYV_I1YaWyaTUXWTPiONuwxO04629VHK2gKNlZfCQFLw0_Z46DRyYDAgkVdXasB9ozvWlU/s400/DSC_0127.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">OK, I will admit it - before I use any picture of myself, I usually do a </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">little retouching. Smoother skin, fewer under eye circles, overall more </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">youthful look. Ridiculous, I know.</div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikZAkGinHAKnIG2Wjuc-h8ml-IxyrHUqL3on6VzVEXmj4tKzru66GtPTAbWOvHp2O75QrLHZVR8q_ch3H5y-3bQzdVWuBqfN1AKiHe0WXNHb0Gw1W7xu3pA0TRbwf3JH6OHrlRML9etNA/s1600/DSC_0183.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikZAkGinHAKnIG2Wjuc-h8ml-IxyrHUqL3on6VzVEXmj4tKzru66GtPTAbWOvHp2O75QrLHZVR8q_ch3H5y-3bQzdVWuBqfN1AKiHe0WXNHb0Gw1W7xu3pA0TRbwf3JH6OHrlRML9etNA/s400/DSC_0183.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">There was a dog barking off in the distance and it was all</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">he wanted to think about this whole time. He's saying "da" </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">over and over and over....</div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I snapped a few pictures of the freshly watered beauty along the trail too...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidv-zhD3Xt9UAKvcWctgkz7_dNBOc7Zl5w_PrcH6sG0EFJegXNRP6iMZa_LvSv7199oJPqcfecApttDUQzFpXWa9E7lfRwmWx66PAOpYaT1EuyAAyFVsvUtgIrpVR5vvymvurp98Omcx8/s1600/DSC_0011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidv-zhD3Xt9UAKvcWctgkz7_dNBOc7Zl5w_PrcH6sG0EFJegXNRP6iMZa_LvSv7199oJPqcfecApttDUQzFpXWa9E7lfRwmWx66PAOpYaT1EuyAAyFVsvUtgIrpVR5vvymvurp98Omcx8/s400/DSC_0011.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I am thankful today for California in the winter...</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix8ZPQk11BNHN0R4WBAkKYojDfHnLWkuNykA8Ig-Fyh1LwWBvemmdDsAOxrXh-zqyoTMqRnTZYvMabX3-o4C7-y1VQTIDKf_IdhFaWGgYcf8w9pbHzfSUbF6aUktg9858jA6g_c0HXpK4/s1600/DSC_0044.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix8ZPQk11BNHN0R4WBAkKYojDfHnLWkuNykA8Ig-Fyh1LwWBvemmdDsAOxrXh-zqyoTMqRnTZYvMabX3-o4C7-y1VQTIDKf_IdhFaWGgYcf8w9pbHzfSUbF6aUktg9858jA6g_c0HXpK4/s400/DSC_0044.jpg" width="267" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I wish I could record the sound of the frogs in this creek. It </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">sounds like there must be hundreds of them, but we look </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and look and can never actually see any.</div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Prior to our spontaneous trail walk, today was a rough day. No one warned me those dreaded "terrible twos" would start WAY before two. I think Pax has the curse of his parents - fierce independence. He does not want help with anything. He gets very angry when any assistance is offered. We don't watch alot of tv in our house, and the only show Pax likes is Yo Gabba Gabba. He asks to watch it often, and we usually allow one or two a day. Today he saw the tv remote, and when I said no, he promptly screamed a<i>t the top of his lungs</i> about five times in a row and began throwing a fit. Tonight I told Mike I know the reason our evenings are so much more pleasant than our mornings and afternoons. In the morning, I am ready for another day, I've got my firm discipline face on, and Pax is not getting away with anything. This means constant fits, screaming, yelling, throwing, etc. As the day progressing, poor Mama is so tired of saying no, she ignores the things she'd been saying no to earlier in the day, such as grabbing the remote, stealing a cell phone, eating dog food. She pretends she doesn't see them, and that results in less of the aforementioned screaming, yelling, throwing, etc. I know this is not the best idea, but poor Mama is so tired of it all by mid-afternoon she can barely help it. This is going to be a <i>long</i> couple of years. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Since today's post was about rain, sort of, I'll leave you with a favorite quote of mine. "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I only have to repeat this to myself, and instead of focusing on the bad things in life and hoping they'll be over soon (such as those fits!), it refocuses my thoughts to the good things that definitely outweigh the bad. If we are always waiting for the storms to pass, we'll wait ourselves right into old age. Dancing in the rain is so much more fun. If the storms of trouble are brewing in your life today, make sure you remember to dance in the rain.</div>Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-55407328198140404642011-01-23T21:09:00.000-08:002011-01-23T22:21:49.291-08:00jehovah jireh.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/E2oi6y292kE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;">Francis Chan</div><br />
Mike and I have always done really well financially. When we first got married, we both worked at Costco, lived in an apartment and had relatively few expenses. After one year, I started nursing school, which is a two year program. The first year, I went to school Monday through Friday and worked at Costco on the weekends. It was really difficult, and I remember being incredibly overwhelmed. I remember one night I was making dinner and I accidentally spilled rice all over the floor. My plate was so full (so to speak) that I just couldn't handle this minor everyday occurrence and I started screaming about the spilled rice. Not any words...just screaming. Luckily I have an understanding hubby who knew how stressed I was and was able to overlook my seemingly crazy behavior. My second year of school was even more intense, so I had to quit working weekends. We had about $10,000 saved, and we knew we'd be living off Mike's salary and this savings for the next year, until I got hired as a nurse. I'm not sure how I had this all planned, since I made much more than that at Costco, but for some reason I thought it would work. So school started and we went along, transferring money over as needed and living normally. We purposed that we would continue to tithe 10%, no matter how tight the money ran. I know 10% is the "Old Testament" mandate, and not the necessity of those who live in freedom, but it's still what we felt comfortable with. This is where the miracle begins...I transferred money over from that savings account constantly, anytime we needed it to pay bills and such. And....the balance never went down! For one year the balance hovered right around $10,000. We would occasionally put money in the account from Mike's bonus or a gift, but for the most part we used it, not paid into it. And IT DID NOT DEPLETE! Around April, right before I was set to graduate, the balance started going down, and it literally ran out days before I got hired at Loma Linda in June! So essentially we used $10,000 in two months. I absolutely know this was a miracle that God provided for us. <br />
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Fast forward two years to last summer, and I've been on disability, Mike's still working at Costco, and he's also been compensated for his work at 777. I am told to watch this video above. Powerful, someone says. We should have that faith, someone says. After watching it, I almost got scared. It was like I had a premonition or something. I told God, "That's a nice thought, but I am NOT READY to pray that prayer of Proverbs 30. NOT READY, UNDERSTAND?" Within a few months, 777 ended and so did Mike's income (from 777 - he still works for Costco), and my disability ran out and continually has to be renewed, which means I go without pay for awhile while the powers that be figure out how much they will still pay me. Not that I have any desire to go back to work, but I don't even have that option until the doctor releases me! So our savings has been depleted, and we are living...paycheck to paycheck (dun dun dun). I have never known this feeling in my adult life. Never looked in my accounts and not seen enough. God said to me, "You ARE ready to pray that prayer, I will make you ready. I will show you what it looks like to rely on <i>me</i> and have <i>me</i> provide." <br />
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I recently put together the story about Jacob and Isaac for our Sunday school kids. God told Jacob to sacrifice <i>his only son. </i>As Jacob and<i> </i> Isaac arrived at the mountaintop, Isaac asked about a lamb. Jacob replied "God himself will provide." He trusted. It's as if he said to himself, "My God is a God who sees my needs, so I'm not worried about it." Just as he's raising the knife to plunge into <i>his only son</i>'s heart (the Bible is exciting, I don't care what people say!), God stops him and provides a ram. Jacob called that place Jehovah Jireh, which means the Lord will provide. Genesis 22:14 says, "And to this day it is said, 'On the mountain of the Lord, it will be provided.' The angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time and said, 'I swear by Myself,' declares the Lord, 'that because you have done this and not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make all your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore.'" God is not asking me to sacrifice anything as big as he was asking Jacob (thank God, I don't even want to think about that), but He is asking me to trust that He will provide, the same as He asked that of Jacob. He's asking me to fall back on the miracles I have seen Him perform before, and know he is fully capable of performing them again. I didn't ask for this lesson, but He chose to give it anyway. So rather than fight it and doubt and worry, I am choosing to believe in Jehovah Jireh - MY God will provide. Be careful if you watch that video above - God likes to deepen our faith and challenge us to trust in Him alone. <br />
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"My grace is sufficient for you, Becca, my strength is made perfect in your weakness." <3 Jehova JirehBeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08519125547649583411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5010136888924650475.post-5717828167656176642011-01-21T23:23:00.000-08:002011-01-21T23:27:24.599-08:00photobook.Ever since Pax was born, I've been taking monthly notes about his current progress, what he's doing, what's too cute, etc. I've also stored all of his pictures by month. My plan was to make a one year photo book at one of the various sites available for this. I've made several photo books before from vacations we've been on. So I set out to make this one year book about a week ago, (he's 15 months, so I'm not <i>too</i> behind!), but I discovered that these books weren't right for what I wanted to do. The pre-made layout didn't give me enough freedom to write what I wanted and use as the amount of pictures I wanted. Sooo...I decided to make my own using photoshop. I LOVE photoshop and editing! Everything I know is self-taught, and I am finally going to take a class on photoshop starting in a couple weeks! I'm really excited to see how much more I can do with formal teaching. But I am happy with the progress of my book so far. I just finished month one, and it's eleven pages =O If this keeps up, it will be one expensive book! But luckily I just have a ton of pictures for month one, and not every month is like that. As I am making the book, I am getting so nostalgic (for last year lol), and I am missing those warm, cuddly moments of a newborn that I don't think I appreciated as much at the time. I was too tired and sleep deprived and post-partum-ish that I don't know if I really savored that first month. There were just so many things I didn't know - I didn't know he'd only be small for a couple weeks, I didn't know he'd stop that adorable sucking in his sleep, I didn't know he wouldn't want to sleep with me forever...as a first time mama, I just didn't know. I can't imagine not loving every moment of this kid's life though, so maybe I did savor it and it's just lost in the confusion of the crazy first month. <br />
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