January 23, 2011

jehovah jireh.

Francis Chan

Mike and I have always done really well financially.  When we first got married, we both worked at Costco, lived in an apartment and had relatively few expenses.  After one year, I started nursing school, which is a two year program.  The first year, I went to school Monday through Friday and worked at Costco on the weekends.  It was really difficult, and I remember being incredibly overwhelmed.  I remember one night I was making dinner and I accidentally spilled rice all over the floor.  My plate was so full (so to speak) that I just couldn't handle this minor everyday occurrence and I started screaming about the spilled rice.  Not any words...just screaming.  Luckily I have an understanding hubby who knew how stressed I was and was able to overlook my seemingly crazy behavior.  My second year of school was even more intense, so I had to quit working weekends.  We had about $10,000 saved, and we knew we'd be living off Mike's salary and this savings for the next year, until I got hired as a nurse.  I'm not sure how I had this all planned, since I made much more than that at Costco, but for some reason I thought it would work.  So school started and we went along, transferring money over as needed and living normally.  We purposed that we would continue to tithe 10%, no matter how tight the money ran.  I know 10% is the "Old Testament" mandate, and not the necessity of those who live in freedom, but it's still what we felt comfortable with.  This is where the miracle begins...I transferred money over from that savings account constantly, anytime we needed it to pay bills and such.  And....the balance never went down!  For one year the balance hovered right around $10,000.  We would occasionally put money in the account from Mike's bonus or a gift, but for the most part we used it, not paid into it.  And IT DID NOT DEPLETE!  Around April, right before I was set to graduate, the balance started going down, and it literally ran out days before I got hired at Loma Linda in June!  So essentially we used $10,000 in two months.  I absolutely know this was a miracle that God provided for us.

Fast forward two years to last summer, and I've been on disability, Mike's still working at Costco, and he's also been compensated for his work at 777.  I am told to watch this video above. Powerful, someone says.  We should have that faith, someone says.  After watching it, I almost got scared.  It was like I had a premonition or something.  I told God, "That's a nice thought, but I am NOT READY to pray that prayer of Proverbs 30.  NOT READY, UNDERSTAND?"   Within a few months, 777 ended and so did Mike's income (from 777 - he still works for Costco), and my disability ran out and continually has to be renewed, which means I go without pay for awhile while the powers that be figure out how much they will still pay me.  Not that I have any desire to go back to work, but I don't even have that option until the doctor releases me!  So our savings has been depleted,  and we are living...paycheck to paycheck (dun dun dun).  I have never known this feeling in my adult life.  Never looked in my accounts and not seen enough.  God said to me, "You ARE ready to pray that prayer, I will make you ready.  I will show you what it looks like to rely on me and have me provide."

I recently put together the story about Jacob and Isaac for our Sunday school kids.  God told Jacob to sacrifice his only son. As Jacob and  Isaac arrived at the mountaintop, Isaac asked about a lamb.  Jacob replied "God himself will provide."   He trusted.  It's as if he said to himself, "My God is a God who sees my needs, so I'm not worried about it."  Just as he's raising the knife to plunge into his only son's heart (the Bible is exciting, I don't care what people say!), God stops him and provides a ram.  Jacob called that place Jehovah Jireh, which means the Lord will provide.  Genesis 22:14 says, "And to this day it is said, 'On the mountain of the Lord, it will be provided.'  The angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time and said, 'I swear by Myself,' declares the Lord, 'that because you have done this and not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make all your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore.'"  God is not asking me to sacrifice anything as big as he was asking Jacob (thank God, I don't even want to think about that), but He is asking me to trust that He will provide, the same as He asked that of Jacob.  He's asking me to fall back on the miracles I have seen Him perform before, and know he is fully capable of performing them again.  I didn't ask for this lesson, but He chose to give it anyway.  So rather than fight it and doubt and worry, I am choosing to believe in Jehovah Jireh - MY God will provide.  Be careful if you watch that video above - God likes to deepen our faith and challenge us to trust in Him alone.

"My grace is sufficient for you, Becca, my strength is made perfect in your weakness." <3 Jehova Jireh

1 comment:

  1. Love it Bec and it's so true Andy and I have been stuggling with this paycheck to paycheck thing ourselves and it keeps getting more and more challenging finally opening my eays a few weeks ago to god trying to tell me something I have put my faith in him and although I'm not enjoying this lesson very much I do believe it is one that everyone should learn.