September 3, 2014

There's No Place Like Home

When we bought this house five years ago, I thought we'd live here forever.  It was perfect for us, gave us room to grow, and was close to family and friends.

This was our first home.  We searched for almost one year before finding this home, which was not our first choice but became our best choice.

We brought three babies home from the hospital to this home. 


I've decorated each room for my babies to celebrate their new lives.

We've watched three babies learn to crawl, walk, talk, and do many other firsts in this home.

Our highchair has sat in the same corner and seen three babies learn how to eat and throw food against the wall and on the floor.

I've sat in the same chair in the same corner to nurse all three of my babies.

My oldest started his first day of his first year of homeschool in this home.

First Day Of Kindergarten: he was so excited to wear his Cars backpack, filled with weapons and an ax sticking out.

We've been blessed with countless visitors, church services, home Bible studies, and long term guests.

I've sat on the huge brown corduroy couch in the family room and had memorable heart to heart talks with the people I love.

I've gone on hundreds of walks with my best friend, who lives a block away.

I've randomly stopped by her house and just walked in the door more times than I can count.

My dog has run away to her house more times than I wish to acknowledge.

We've learned to rely on God as never before in this home, as He has faithfully provided for us to stay here as we became a one income family.

Although I am so attached to this home, the truth is that it has felt like a millstone around our neck for the last few years.  The Lord has been so faithful to provide, but we've still felt the weight of this house to be overwhelming at times.  And that was because of our lack of faith and our desire to know God through abundance and not through scarcity.  But how we have looked forward to being free from the weight of it!  And now, the day is near....but it's not without sorrow.

Each time I do something I'm overwhelmed by thoughts of it being the last. This is the last time I'll walk to the lake.  The last time the kids will play at this park.  The last time they'll swim in this pool.  The last time we push them on this swing set.  The last time I'll look out this window.  The last time it will be September 3, 2014.  Life passes just too quickly, and I'm left wondering and hoping I've made enough memories, done everything I wanted to do, loved as much as I could.

This house is filled with so many memories, it's hard to let it go.  As we are waiting for it to sell, I find myself personally offended by each person who views it and decides it's not for them.  "What do you mean, they didn't place an offer?  This is the best home ever!  Anyone would be lucky to have it!" said she, with no bias whatsoever.

The story that God continually unfolds in our lives is one of reliance, not of abundance but of daily bread.  Daily, momentary graces. It's been 13 days since our house has been on the market.  I was so sure that God would swoop in, perform some miracle, and have it sold and finished by the time we moved.  I guess I forgot how He sloooowly unfolds His grace upon us, not in large overwhelming gusts, but in a slow process that results in growing and stretching.  And growing and stretching are hard.  I'd love to have the story of the miraculous sell that astounded everyone.  But God's story in the life of our family continually unfolds as one outside of time, outside of my will, outside of limits, outside of reason.  I am promised that all things work together FOR GOOD to those who are called according to His purpose.  So no matter what happens, I know that as long as I'm holding onto that light, whatever happens will be good.  Not fast, but good.

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